this is not where I belong

The sun disappeared before I walked today; rain is on its way. I hurried out before the drops fell, and I prayed. I have to be honest; my prayers fell to the ground before they rose. My faith is small, my hope is tiny, and reading God’s Word doesn’t seem to penetrate my soul.


There is no helium in the balloon of my prayers.


My prayer for 2015 (purpose) has fallen silent. I still don’t find answers—do you?


Some days I avoid news on TV and radio. In fact, I don’t even turn on the radio because I’m already depressed.


Aren’t we all just sick and tired of the daily events… sick of evil…sick of earths crumbling?


I mean I’m praying, begging God for some real peace that stays.


I just want to see something good…something real good.


Days on end my only company is a dog, and it leads me down a hard path. I like to be alone, but after nearly two years of it, I’m cringing. It’s the same thing every day. I’m sick of waiting…for my new purpose. Or is it more purpose?


We can’t be isolationists; we can’t hide from people because we want to be alone. We can’t hide from people because we are introverts, and most of all…we can’t hide from believers.


We need each other badly.

Evil is trying to overshadow the light.


Life has radically changed and companionship with believers is absolutely essential.


How many days are left in this fallen world? Evil presents itself closer to home. Consciousness is gone from humans, replaced by the Self-God.


Who do we trust? Are we safe? Is there any future to look forward to? Oh yeah, we want to know when the evil loses. Yeah, we want to know when the real peace comes and we can go home.

I turned the radio on loud. The group Building 429 sang, This is Not Where I Belong.

Those words grabbed my heart this morning and I stopped in my tracks. God thrust peace in my deadened heart. It was the only way I would notice anything different.


Yeah, this is why we cry—we are not home yet. This is not where we belong, but it’s not time yet.


Change your mindset…believe and read over and over again–the promises. Be the light in this dark world. Believe and grab a friend…pray.


Pray like you mean it.




 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”


Matthew 5:14-16 MSG



6 thoughts on “this is not where I belong

  1. You’ve made me want to run and get The Message so I can read the whole Sermon on the Mount! So thankful that your heart has found peace. Thank you for bringing us full circle with your psalm of lament.

  2. Donna McElwain

    Hi Diane, I just got back from a trip to see my very ill 91 year old sister in California and my 85 yr. old sister in Oregon. Also a nephew who had a near fatal heart attack. I turned off the news and facebook for 8 days. And though I was surrounded with sickness I was able to see the good around me. I met my 2 grand nieces and a grand nephew for the first time. I played tourist and seen the beautiful and bountiful countryside of northern California and Oregon. The people who worked in the car rentals, hotels and restaurants were caring and interesting and so helpful. I did not have one bad experience. And to top it off I met 2 wonderful ladies on the plane who were in their late 80’s who both had lost their husbands. They made me come home and hug my husband for them. I am so fortunate to have him. They also showed me that growing old can be an adventure and how to enjoy life. Though I was surrounded by illness’s in my family, God knew I needed to see these other good things to help me not be so sad about them. He heard my prayers for my family though I haven’t received all His answers, but I am sure I will get them when He is ready. I know He is there always.

  3. Dear Diane,
    I have experienced very similar feelings recently. Isn’ t it encouraging to know that “This World Is Not My Home” as we used to sing?! ! This world can be very depressing but our great HOPE in God keeps us going. I still remember when the kids from “Shepherds” came to our church in Toledo & sang “It Will Be Worth It All”. When we see Him, it will be worth it all.

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