Summer Lingers

A gentle honking comes from the watchers as the male neck stretches to its height. The watchers are not worried yet, just a warning as I pass by. The Canada geese line the damp fields grazing in the multitude of bugs, grubs and other strange foods.

The corn dried and cut, the field sprouts some type of grass and the geese are in heaven.

As I come nearer, they move up the field away from me. As they waddle in unison, the white patch on the back of their tail feathers swing back and forth. I am not cause for too much alarm.

They do not fly…content to see me walk farther and farther down the road.

The cows stop grazing and watch me. I find this abnormal, for they never seem curious.

On the other hand, if the horses were in the upper field, they would all lift their heads and look. They are always curious.

The bees nuzzle sluggishly.

The chicory dies, but still brilliant blue in color.

Leaves flutter slowly to the ground, in all shapes and colors. Damp and dragged down by gravity, they swirl their last dance for me.

No leaf waves today, the morning is still damp with fog.

We have not see frost yet, not even close. There are few crisp and crunching leaves, and color slowly changes to not quite so brilliant.

This is the way of it this autumn.

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Motherhood for the First Time

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”—Winnie the Pooh.

“Making the decision to have a child—it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”—Elizabeth Stone

The first time it happens it is set apart from all other births. It doesn’t mean that you will love this child more than any other. It is your initiation into birthing.

It is going into the complete unknown with all its wonders, its magic…and fears, but not quite like an astronaut going into space.

Is the baby a boy or girl?

Will it look like mama or daddy?

Will it be short or tall, blue eyes or brown?

Will he be smart like dad, or sensitive like mom?

Then the inevitable scary thoughts you don’t want to think—will I have a healthy baby? Thoughts creep in during those long nine months, and linger at the back of your mind and take some of your joy. Try as you may to push them from your mind…you still wonder. Could I handle it if my child was unhealthy?

There is nothing to do but “trust God.” Yet it sounds so trite, as if saying would make you believe it and be completely safe.

To the Father, He makes babies whole, even if they do not appear whole.

You read the books, (or currently the apps). The doctor educates you each month on what to expect, but you are never ready for labor until you experience it.

It’s been a long time since I was in labor with my first child, but I still remember how I felt when I first saw her. You hold your baby for the first time and you’re shocked at the intensity of love. You carried that baby for nine months and slowly learned to love, though you never saw him, never held him in your arms. Have you not felt it yourself? How did that love grow?

I am on the other side of it now. I am a grandmother once again, for the 18th time, (yes 18). This time, our youngest had her first baby and I saw once again, the total, complete change of a wife opening the door to motherhood.

I saw it so completely on her face.

The wonder is not so much the birthing, but the carrying, the waiting, then the first sight. Those unknowns are pushed aside, forgotten, when you see your child.

 

That first look, the first touch of that baby soft skin…the pudgy red face all wrinkled up, and the arms and legs flying everywhere trying to understand what happened to that warm place he came from.

 

When his Mama holds him to herself, he stops flailing and snuggles in. He knows the smell of her, though he was in the womb. He knows her voice, and looks towards it.

Birth is miracle like no other.

“There really are places in your heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child”—Anne Lamott (quotes from an unknown source).

You wonder where this strong love came from when you just met him. You wonder how you could love someone you just met so fiercely.

Nothing would ever be the same again, motherhood bloomed.

Welcome to motherhood!

Welcome to the world little one.